How to Talk to a Loved One About Their Mental Health
A Guide for Families and Friends
At Adapt Psychological Services, we often hear from parents, partners, and friends who reach out to us deeply concerned about someone they love. You might see a child struggling to launch their adult life, a partner losing their spark, or a roommate withdrawing, and want to help them start therapy because you know how life-changing it can be.
We want to help you navigate these delicate conversations so that your loved one feels empowered to seek the care they need. By approaching this with intention, you aren’t just "fixing" a problem; you are building a bridge of trust and ensuring you’ve done everything in your power to support them.
1. Timing is Everything: Be Strategic
A conversation this important shouldn’t happen in the "in-between" moments. To give your loved one the best chance of hearing you, consider the environment and the clock.
Protect the Time: Ensure you have at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time. Even if the talk only lasts five, knowing you aren't rushing to a meeting or an appointment creates a sense of peace.
Privacy and Comfort: Choose a space where they feel secure—at home over a cup of coffee or during a walk. Avoid public settings or discussing in front of others, where they might feel embarrassed or cornered.
Catch Them at Their Best: We all have a "rhythm." If your loved one is a night owl, don’t start this conversation at 8:00 AM. Choose a time of day when they are typically most calm, focused and least distracted.
Ask for Permission: Start with a simple check-in: "Hey, do you have a few minutes to chat about something important to me?" This gives them a sense of agency from the very first second.
2. Lead with Vulnerability
Stigma is often the biggest barrier to therapy. If you have your own experience with mental health support, now is the time to share it. When you lead with your own vulnerability, you level the playing field.
Try saying something like: "You know, there was a time in my life when I was struggling with [grief/anxiety/stress]. I felt stuck, and it wasn't until I finally reached out for help that things started to feel doable again. I found a way forward, and I want that same sense of relief and hope for you."
3. Use the "Observation-Feeling-Suggestion" Framework
When we are worried, we sometimes lead with labels or judgments (e.g., "You're being really lazy lately"), which causes the other person to shut down. Instead, try this objective framework:
Step 1: State an Objective Observation. Use non-judgmental language. "I’ve noticed recently that you’re saying no to social events more than usual, and you’ve mentioned feeling tired a lot."
Step 2: Express Your Feeling. Focus on your internal state, not their "faults." "I’m feeling curious about what’s going on for you, and honestly, a little concerned because it seems like you aren't feeling like yourself."
Step 3: State Your Suggestion. Keep it gentle. "I think you might find talking to someone—a neutral third party—really helpful right now."
Step 4: Highlight the Benefits: Answer the “Why?” Even if someone knows they are struggling, they may not see how therapy helps more than a self-help book or a podcast. This is your chance to highlight the "ROI" (Return on Investment) for their well-being:
Expertise Saves Time: "There are people who specialize in exactly what you're going through. Instead of wasting time hoping things will get better on their own or trying generic advice from books, you can get a concrete action plan to start feeling better right away."
Practical Strategies: "You might learn specific strategies for those hard conversations at work or in your relationships that have been weighing on you."
A Protected Space: "It’s a space where you don't have to take care of everyone else. For one hour a week, the focus is entirely on your well-being."
Step 5: Check-In. End with an open-ended question: "What are your thoughts on that?"
4. Align with Their Goals, Not Yours
You might want them to go to therapy so they get a job or stop arguing. However, therapy is most successful when the client is working toward their own goals.
Ask them: "What are your hopes for how you’d like to feel three months from now?" If they say they just want to stop feeling so exhausted or want to be free from spiraling anxious thoughts, link therapy to that specific goal. When the "why" belongs to them, they are much more likely to follow through.
5. Reduce the Barriers
Sometimes, the "mental load" of finding a therapist is what stops someone from starting. You can help by doing the legwork while leaving the final choice to them.
You might say: "I’ve done a little research and found a practice called Adapt Psychological Services that has a few openings. I’d love for you to look at their website. Would you like to pick a therapist you feel a connection with, or would you prefer I help you narrow it down?"
A Final Note
It is hard to watch someone you love struggle. By opening this door with warmth and encouraging some professional help, you could be offering them a lifeline. While you cannot make the final decision for an adult child or partner, you can help them take the first steps that lead them towards healing.
Book a free consultation call today!